Friday, May 15, 2009


I talked to Rob twice today, which is more than usual, but I can't help feeling lonely tonight. I try to keep busy with friends, family, work..but at the end of the day I am ALONE. I miss my husband terribly. Everything I do, I wish that he was sharing it with me. When we talked today we discussed our plans for when he comes home. A trip to Italy to visit my family, finishing work in the house and yard, and of course plenty of time just relaxing together. We talk incessantly about starting a family. We both wish we had kids already..but these deployments keep getting in the way. I feel like we are constantly fantasizing about our future, but never really getting the chance to live it. By the time this is over, Rob will have been deployed for 27 months out of the 40 we will be married. That is more than half of our 3 year marriage. I am just so sick of sitting around and waiting. I don't want my life to be on hold any more. I don't want my best friend missing out on everything. Sometimes it is just so HARD. And having CF makes it even harder. I try to live every day to the fullest, but how can I do that when half of me is missing?? My life expectancy is already shortened, and deployments just take more of my precious time away. UGHH..sorry for ranting. We've survived one deployment already and I know we will get thru this one, too. Sometimes it just makes it easier getting it all out. Does anyone else feel like their life is on hold or they aren't where they hoped they would be? How do you deal?
The day he deployed .. 12/08

1 comment:

  1. Hey!!
    Thanks for joining my blog family =)
    I love new friends and Ive yet to meet a CFer I didnt love!!!

    Im sorry your going through a rough patch..I cant imagine what it feels like =/ BUT i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and comment you often in hopes to make you a tiny bit happier =D